The Dream Job v The Dream Relationship: Can You Have Both?
Everywhere I turn, or scroll rather, I can’t help but notice the vast majority of people’s ideology, philosophies, and moods can be summed up in a meme. The two popular subjects I always find on my timeline is about relationship goals and how hard people are working for their money. Bottom line is, most people want a loving, trusting relationship while doing something they love that can also be lucrative. I do sometimes see a combination of the two. Maybe a meme with Jay-Z and Beyoncé or a picture with a his and her’s Ferrari, but let’s be realistic for a second. We can’t all be Jay-Z and Beyoncé and most of us won’t even get the opportunity to sit in a Ferrari let alone drive one. But every situation is different. There’s the young, twenty-something year old person who has aspirations of changing the world and they may or may not met their soul mate while on their journey. Or what about the couple that’s been married for some time with kids? The husband might want to start that business he’s been thinking about for years. The wife might feel she hasn’t reached her full potential because of the kids and may want to go back to school. These are the things that some people go through everyday, but is it possible to have you cake and eat it too?
I want to use my personal relationship with my wife because this is something we’re going through at this very moment. My dream is to be a writer. Not just any writer, a writer known around the world that has an impact on his readers. I want to make people think, test their emotions, get them excited about something. More or less change the world even if just my family’s world. I write screenplays, I’m working on a novel, and I just started this blog to write on the daily basis. Truth be told, as I write this article right now the only people reading it is me, my wife, and our dog. My job as a writer isn’t a job yet. It’s still a dream. My wife on the other hand has a real job. She was a doctor in Italy. A very strong, independent woman with goals to further her career. Now it sounds like a great gig for both of us. Me writing all day while she goes to work cutting people, but it didn’t work out that way. She left her motherland of Italy with no job so we can be together in a country that’s foreign to her. A job in the medical field didn’t come as easy as we anticipated and to make matters worse (or better) she’s pregnant so the chances of working are getting slimmer by the day . My wife loves her job. Being a doctor is her way of changing the world even if it’s something as small as being nice to her patients. That is who she is.
Now, things are getting interesting because we have our dream relationship, but we both are working towards our dream jobs. Technically she had her dream job already, but now she’s just trying to reclaim the glory. Here’s where the rift starts to set in. Sometimes I’m working on my writing so much that I forget to give my full attention to the person making this possible. After all she did give up her dream job so we could pursue mine. The least I could do is pretend to care about taking the trash out properly (inside joke). But I do fall victim to tunnel vision sometimes and the result is her being neglected. These bottled up feelings began to form and come out in arguments expressed as resentment, failure, and second guessing one’s self. Now I’m wondering why she’s mad because I want to write and she’s wondering why she feels alone with her husband sitting right next to her. Because even though I’m there I’m always thinking about the next post or chapter or whatever I’m working on. It can be a complicated relationship when trying to put the one you love first while trying to do what you love. I want to take the next portion to get the POV from the categories.
The Virgin: If you’re in this category, you’re typically at the tip of finding out who you are and what you want to do with your life. Juggling a serious relationship while trying to pursue your dream job is NOT impossible, but it can be stressful. My advice would be to pick one and do it whole-heartedly. That might not be the answer you’re looking for, but it’ll be worth it in the long run. If you choose the job, the relationship will come back if it was meant to be. If you choose your relationship, you’ll have more than enough time to pick up where you left off.
The Player: This one is easy because The Player isn’t in a serious relationship so he/she can focus on themselves as much as they want. The question is, can they have their dream job and their emotionally unavailable lifestyle together? Sometimes being a player involves going to parties, being social, and spending time with your partners (with no strings attached of course). That time that could be spent getting you a step closer to your dream job. The same time someone else is using to study harder, work longer hours, or plot on their next move. The Player doesn’t have to worry about catering to someone else’s needs. It’s his or her personal needs that might get in the way of claiming that dream job. Have fun, but stay focused.
The Faithful: The Faithful is going to do everything to keep the balance going. Some times this means meeting in the middle with your partner or giving up on your goals temporarily. Men are historically known for being the “bread winner” in a relationship, but times have changed. While the man still wants to be the bread winner, women are climbing up the corporate totem pole. Women have decades to catch up on in the work force and some of them won’t let something a simple as a relationship stop them. I know some women who chose their career over a relationship and they were very successful. But on the other side of that, they may not have a family of their own or feel silly to be in the dating scene in their 40’s. Of course there are plenty of options to choose from when it comes to starting a family, but you should be cognizant of what you could be giving up if you choose that route. Or you could just not like kids. In that case it works out perfect for you, but everything that glitter isn’t gold.
So, can you have your dream job with your dream relationship? The answer is… YES! In my experience, it is possible, but people have to remember one thing to incorporate when taking on this challenge together. SACRIFICE! Both partners have to WILLINGLY make sacrifices in order for it to work. Sometimes that sacrifice calls for you to put your dream job on hold for a while. My wife did that and I am forever grateful to her. If she ever asked me to sacrifice anything it would happen without a question because I have faith in our relationship. The thing to remember is, your relationship is a marathon. Everything isn’t going to work out in a month, six months, a year, or even 10 years. How ever long it takes, you have to have the patience and loyalty to ride that long ride. If you’re the one with the short end of the stick, take it slow because your time is coming. You’re making an investment on your partner and the best thing you can do is support him/her. If you’re the one in the pursuit of happiness, make sure you give your partner unconditional love, attention, and honor their decision to stick by your side. Don’t let them think for a second that they made a mistake. You may be the head right now, but your partner is the spinal cord. Don’t take anything for granted.
Author: Ty Mitchell
I write books and help writers get through their literary journey. I am the author of The Color of Love. Each week, I send out a newsletter with free tips on writing and creativity. Follow me on Twitter @Ty_Mitchell or on Facebook @the-vpf.