Taking It To The Next Level (Friend Zone)
Have you ever built the courage up to tell your crush your true feelings only to be hit with the excuse, “I see you as a brother/sister” or “I don’t want to ruin our friendship”? One can debate that this is the most cringe worthy of rejections known to man. Not only did you get your dreams shattered, you also have to awkwardly remain friends with the person because if you don’t then you can come off as bitter. Being in the friend zone is almost like being in debt. It’s so easy to get into it, but when you want to get out there’s always something holding you back. That something, more often than not, is you. Believe it or not, you choose to be in the friend zone. I myself have been on both sides of the playing field. I was the one in the dreaded friend zone and I was in a very unique position to observe someone else trying to escape the friend zone. Allow me to elaborate on my experiences and explain how being in the friend zone is a choice and not an invisible dungeon built to keep you miserable.
Typically the reason why most people place themselves in the friend zone is because they weren’t risk takers (including myself). There was a time where I’d rather die not knowing what could have been than get rejected. What I didn’t know is being rejected is part of the dating game. Unless you’re Brad Pitt or Kim Kardashian, you’ll probably hear no more often than not. The best thing you could do is get the anxiety out-of-the-way and move forward.
I remember this one particular moment where I was a friend with this young lady and I had aspirations of taking it to the next level. Me and this girl talked everyday, we had inside jokes, and every time I wasn’t with her I thought about her. It was a healthy obsession that was being fed everyday. One day she hinted at the fact that she was tired of being single. Let’s stop right here for a second. For most men, I believe there is a figurative window that stands between him and the woman he’s attracted to. That window is completely shut when you meet, but if it opens half a millimeter there’s a little crack of light that shines through that we like to call hope. We hope that we have chance to be with this woman. That’s why you have situations where a woman is being nice (maybe too nice) and the next thing she knows she’s getting a dick pic out of nowhere. The most outrageous thing I’ve ever seen was one of my friends sneezing and a woman, we didn’t know, in front of us turned around and said, “bless you”. My friend thanked her then literally turned to me and said, “she wants me bro”. How? Where was I when all this happened? It couldn’t have been within the last five-seconds. The point I’m trying to make is, you give that speck of hope and we’ll take it. But I digress, in my situation I think it would be safe to say that I had a 50/50 chance of making something more than what it was, but I didn’t take the risk. Fast forward a few months later and I just couldn’t hold my feelings in any longer. I told her how I felt, but it was too late. I had solidified my spot in the friend zone. She ended being with someone else and instead of having our old friendship, I was just the guy she would vent to about her boyfriend and never take advice from. I chose not to take that risk early and in turn I missed my opportunity. As my friend Doug E-Fresh would say, “That was cold bleed.”
Now on to a more unusual situation that I was in. Before I begin I would like to say that I like to see EVERYONE win. Whether it’s getting your degree, having a great job, or finding the one you love. I want you to win. Fast track to my player days. The friend zone doesn’t exist when you’re in this category because you don’t care about a relationship. I did, however, know a guy that was madly in love with a girl we both knew. He was desperately trying to get out of the friend zone. It hurt me to watch this because he was 100% invested in this girl. He would write her poems, make her mixed CD’s, pay for her food, and use any excuse to be around her even if it meant being in large groups. One night we were all at a mutual friend’s house and I had a private moment with this guy. He pretty much expressed to me how bad he wanted this girl and how it would make him the happiest guy in the world to be with her. I genuinely wanted to help to him, but I couldn’t for two reasons. 1)No matter what I told him to do he wasn’t going to take that risk of being rejected. No risk, No reward. 2) I kind of was sleeping with the girl that he was in love with.
I know what you’re thinking, “Ty, that’s messed up.” It’s not and here’s why… The girl was a player just like me. In fact, this was the only relationship where I can say we were friends, we had sex on the regular basis, and no extra feelings were involved. It was the perfect situation for two players on the prowl. Another thing is, it wasn’t just my business to tell. She didn’t want everyone knowing about our fling and I had to respect her wishes. She even told one time that this guy had no chance, but as long as he was willing to do things for her, she wasn’t going to stop him. I can’t and I won’t judge her because I’ve done the same when I was in The Player category. But nevertheless, I still felt bad for the guy and even tried to persuade him that maybe she wasn’t the right girl for him without giving too much away. But he was determined to find a way to be with her without actually taking a risk. In the end, he basically retired in the friend zone with no quantified gain. Here’s something that might blow your mind and I wish I knew this then so I could tell him. I’m going to tell you how you can beat the friend zone. Listen carefully, if you accept your friendship for what it is (drum roll)…. then the friend zone doesn’t exist! Now that’s easier said than done, but if you move on, those invisible wall can’t hold you back anymore. In this case, the guy chose to stay in the friend zone even after he realized there was no chance so that’s where he stayed. The friend zone is like the Matrix. It’s only real if you think it’s real. Take the red pill already and step up to the plate.
So, is it possible to take it to the next level out of the friend zone and into your crush’s heart? In my experience… it depends. It depends solely on you who is trying to escape. You’re in a voluntary rehab facility right now and all you have to do is check yourself out. Here’s a short recap of what we discussed.
- Typically those in the friend zone chose to be there by not taking that risk and taking it early. Let your intentions be known and be assertive. At the very least your crush will have to respect your attempts. It may work out for you or may not, but that brings me to my next point.
- Don’t be afraid of rejection. Like I said, it’s part of the game. It’s going to happen more often than not. It may sting a little at first and the relationship might be temporarily awkward later, but trust me you’ll feel a lot better knowing the truth than taking the unknown to the grave with you.
- Know when to accept your friendship. Sometimes the best thing for the both of you is to just be friends. If you chose to waste too much time trying to get out of the friend zone you might let the perfect opportunity pass you by to meet someone right for you. Take a step back, outside the friend zone, and figure out what’s right for you.
Good luck to all of you guys and gals trapped in the friend zone and I hope you break down those walls.
Author: Ty Mitchell
I write books and help writers get through their literary journey. I am the author of The Color of Love. Each week, I send out a newsletter with free tips on writing and creativity. Follow me on Twitter @Ty_Mitchell or on Facebook @the-vpf.