Is It Ok To Have Sex On The First Date?
The first date can be a two-faced experience that can help or hinder the dating world for most people. On one end you have the potential to make the most memorable moment between you and your significant other. You can laugh and joke about it, reminisce about it on your anniversary, and even tell your kids about it over and over. On the other hand, it can be more like learning a lesson on what not to do. Maybe the person you’re with lacks conversation, or the date just reminded you how much your ex, or you realize the person you couldn’t wait to go on a date with is actually annoying and you can’t wait to get out of there to tell your friends. Where ever the dating path takes you, always keep in mind that the first date is like a battle with a complete stranger. During the battle, people typically come on their best behavior. Men are opening doors and paying for everything. Women are laughing at the corny jokes and starving themselves from what they really want to eat on the menu. This can make the battle a little tricky, because depending on what category you’re in, your intentions could be influenced drastically. I’ve asked some people about the topic at hand and some of them said sex wouldn’t be good on the first date if you’re looking for a real relationship. I could agree with that argument to a certain extent, but then I thought back to two relationships I had in my life. One was the longest relationship I’ve been in to date (3 years) and the other is now my wife. I had sex with both of them on the first date, so that argument isn’t all the way valid for me. So what is it that makes us so formal? According to theatlantic.com, women have sex drives just as strong as men so it would be safe to assume that they want it just as much as us. Its society that gives us the notion that a woman who wants sex is too easy and a man who is forward with his intention is too aggressive. So I believe the first date can be broken down into two objectives. Woman trying to decide whether or not it’s too slutty to have sex on the first date and men are trying to make you comfortable enough to have sex. This is the battle.
For the sake of the article, I want to use a standard dating format to run through the categories. Lets say a movie and dinner with a possibility of going home with your date. Typically, if everything went well, and the two parties clicked, the date should last at the most five hours from the time you pick him/her up to the time you have to make that crucial move when dropping that person off. Here’s what would happen in each category.
The Virgin: Five hours can be a long time for a person who’s thinking about his/her every move. Luckily, the movie takes up almost half of the talking time, so all you have to do is sit there and don’t breathe wrong. The first date I ever remember going on was with a girl older than me. Sex was not only wanted, it was expected. I was 16 and she was 18. I didn’t know how I pulled this off, but someway, somehow she was here with me. Obviously you know I did not close the deal, but I want to break down the key factors that kept me from winning.
A) We both had a curfew. I don’t care how grown we thought we were, both of us had to be in the house at a certain time. More than likely the house each of us lived in was being paid for by our parents so we didn’t have a place to have sex. Knock off 60% from the sex meter.
B) We met each other at the movies which means neither one of us had a car. So even if she was down to do a quicky in some parking lot, the opportunity was never there from the beginning. Knock off 20% from the sex meter.
C) Like I said before, I was 16 and she was 18. It was a miracle that she even agreed to do this, but alas age did play a role in tonight’s failure. I wasn’t allowed to buy a rated R movie ticket. In hindsight, I could have just let her buy the ticket, but I wasn’t thinking properly because I was so backed up. We ended up settling for the movie Prime (2005) which wasn’t a bad movie, but oh how The Virgin Gods love irony. If you haven’t seen the movie, its pretty much a 37-year-old Uma Thurman falling in love with 23-year-old guy and it ends on why this type of relationship would never work. Now, granted, there wasn’t that much of an age difference between us, but the damage had already been done. Long story short, we never made it to dinner. In Fact, we were never on the same level again after that. I lost the battle way before it even began. Knock off 25% from the sex meter. I know that’s over 100%, but that’s how bad the night went.
The Player: In the words of fellow player Plies and I quote, “Ain’t no date bih!” end quote. I’m not saying that The Player wouldn’t go on date, I’m just saying it wouldn’t be his first suggestions to try and get to know you. When I was single, I had somewhat of a template I would use on women so we didn’t have to go on a real date. For example, me and this young woman were getting to know each other through social media and it was getting towards that time to meet one-on-one. I told her we should hang out and she asked me where we were going. I proceeded to tell her I would cook her dinner and we could watch Netflix. Let me stop right here. I don’t want you to get this story confused with this new trend going around called “Netflix and Chill” (which I hate by the way). I hate it because 1) I was doing this way before it was a funny hashtag and 2) Netflix and Chill is the equivalent to a guy walking up to you on the dance floor while you’re dancing with your friends, sticking his dick on your butt, and not saying a word while expecting you to grind on him. Of course we have the same goal in the end, but there’s no honor in Netflix and Chill and it is not Player approved. But I digress, anyway, she tells me this isn’t a real date. But what she doesn’t know is, this was the pre-date. So I told her, “A date is just you questioning yourself whether or not you like me enough to see me again (I really meant have sex, but I can’t say that to her. After all we are in battle.), but what about me? Maybe I have some questions of my own. Can you hold a great conversation? Do I feel comfortable being alone with you? What is your five year plan? How can I get to know these things if we have to be quiet in a movie theater for two hours and have all the distractions a restaurant brings? At least with Netflix we could talk and laugh as much as we want through the movie and I can say I made you your own personal dinner. All the focus would be on you.” Obviously these questions were bullshit, but with that being said, I had a 98% success rate with that speech and that was if I even had to use it at all. You would be surprised at how many women are willing to have sex with you and continue to have sex with you without going anywhere! That’s why, for The Player, a date is the last option. So you might want to assess carefully the intentions of you “enemy”.
The Faithful: I think this is a topic that separates the boys from the men and the games played for fun from the games played for keeps. The Faithful isn’t dating anymore otherwise he/she wouldn’t be in The Faithful category, but there is a blueprint to their success. A date should be a memory plain and simple. Whether it’s a good memory or not is totally up to you and your date. I believe that sex is a very important part of any relationship whether it’s just starting or you’re a few years in, but it shouldn’t be the only part. It shouldn’t even be the most heavily weighted. In fact, it should be the most organic part that grows between you two. Whether it grows that much on the first date or 30 days from now, it should grow naturally. I’ve been on bad dates and had sex afterwards and been on good dates and never heard from the person again. Either way, we’re both adults and you should use this time to put your best foot forward. Who knows, you might end up finding your soul mate.
So, is it ok to have sex on the first date? Overall verdict is YES. We are all adults and should treat each other with respect. One mistake people tend to make is expecting sex. You should never expect sex on the first date because in reality that’s not what the date is for. You should be getting to know that person, showing your best qualities, but most importantly have fun. While you’re doing all of these things you should stay vigilant. Try to assess what the other’s person’s intentions are. Someone might see you as their next serious relationship or you both might be on the same page for sex. Neither outcome is wrong, but you want to make sure you’re doing the right thing for you.
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Author: Ty Mitchell
I write books and help writers get through their literary journey. I am the author of The Color of Love. Each week, I send out a newsletter with free tips on writing and creativity. Follow me on Twitter @Ty_Mitchell or on Facebook @the-vpf.