Is Cheating Really A Deal Breaker?
I know some of your necks just snapped back when you read the title, but this is a serious question. Could you be with someone after they cheated on you? For most people this is the cardinal sin in a relationship. The number one thing that people usually have zero tolerance for is cheating. So why would anyone ever continue a relationship that has been violated? Well, there are a couple of reasons why and they may not make sense to you if you’re in that situation, but it does make sense to someone who’s living it.
Take me for example. I’ve been a cheater before and one thing that I’ve learned is that if you get put in a situation where cheating is probable then you most likely wanted to do it in the first place. Sure you could blame it on alcohol, or a rocky relationship, or just chop it up to being a mistake. Bottom line is, if it happened, you let it happen because deep down inside you wanted it to happen. I’ll admit that saying no is easier said than done, but once you find someone who you’re seriously invested in, trust me, it’ll be the easiest thing in the world to do.
To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never been cheated on (knock on wood), but if you would have asked me 3 years ago would I stay with a girl after she cheated on me, the answer would definitely be no. Actually it would be hell to the no. Realistically it would be heeeeeeeell to the naaaaaaah! How dare you? Get out of my life forever! But if you asked me today if my wife (God forbid) cheated on me then it would be a totally different reaction. Sure I would be hurt, but for the sake of my marriage and our future son I would consider staying and ultimately (under new conditions) would stay and let the past be the past. That’s one of the factors that come into play. Are you in a relationship for six months or have you been married for twenty years? The thought of someone who’s close to you damaging your relationship is unimaginable, but what I’ve found is those relationships are the ones that try to work it out the most even if the offense happened more than once.
Another thing to consider is who in the relationship is doing the cheating? I remember talking to a good friend of mine about his relationships and he straight up told me that he cheated on his girlfriend all the time. He knew he was wrong and he wanted to stop, but he couldn’t. There were too many women to choose from. I patted him on the back because admitting is the first step. But he also said IF his girlfriend did the exact same thing to him then it was like, and I quote “she had committed MUUUUUUURRRRRRRRDDDDDER!!!” Whether you realize it or not, there’s a different type of sting when it comes to a woman cheating on a man. Typically, when a man cheats, it’s all physical. But when a woman cheats, it could be physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, or anything else that could stimulate her. Cheating is cheating no matter who you are, but a man’s pride can convince him otherwise. This is one of those double standards I hate because you should be condemned no matter what your sex is. Can’t we all just be equal?
Let’s see what the topic looks like in the lens of the categories.
The Virgin: Getting cheated on in this stage can be damaging because at this point you couldn’t see yourself with anyone else. This is where the world ends and Facebook becomes your therapist. Don’t worry because the pain shouldn’t last that long and fortunately for you, there’s other fish in the sea. Like I said previously, I have no knowledge of being cheated on, but there was one instance where I suspected that treachery was afoot. I could never prove anything, but the asterisk is by my perfect record. I ended up breaking up with her on a totally unrelated note, but if I can change anything I would go back in time and ask her if it was true. If you suspect anything and I mean ANYTHING, don’t be afraid to ask. You’ll either be having a heart breaking conversation or something to laugh about in twenty minutes.
The Player: It is impossible to cheat as The Player. I repeat, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO CHEAT AS THE PLAYER. If you read my description of The Player on the Breakdown of VPF page, then you would know that you can’t be in a relationship and be a player. You’re just a cheater and it’s that simple. The Players have a stigma against them already and as an ex-player, I refuse to let a cheater taint The Player category. When I was a player I dealt with multiple women at a time. Some of them, I hate to admit, were in more of a relationship type situation with me than the other girls. I always made it clear that we were NOT in a relationship and I was seeing other people, but more importantly they were free to do the same. Things would be going fine until those boundaries got stepped over and someone tried to use privileges they didn’t have (e.g. asking where I was, who I was with, etc). That’s when I had to remind them that this isn’t what they thought it was. As cold as it sounds, the option to leave was a mere text away, but no one ever left. It wasn’t because I was that much of a stud, but because they knew what they were getting from me and once they hit that ceiling that was it. They may have not liked it, but they couldn’t hate me for being honest.
The Faithful: This is where it gets a little tricky because the name of the category alone should let you know where this person stands, but we are humans living on Earth so mistakes do happen. This is real pain, real struggle, real heart ache, and a really hard decision. Let’s be clear, The Faithful category isn’t just for married people. This is a category you place yourself in when you invest your life into someone else. Cheating isn’t just a mistake that you made one night. It’s a sign of disrespect for a relationship that you and your significant other worked so hard to put together. It’s a forfeit of trust that you secured from one another. It’s that asterisk that no matter how small it is, it’s still there and it’s in the back of everyone’s mind that knows about it. There is a high standard that is expected of you when you come into this category, but there should also be a certain level of forgiveness. Just because you forgive doesn’t mean you have to stay with the person, but in order for you to move past the ordeal for you own sanity, you must forgive eventually. Whether you move on with or without the cheating partner is totally up to you.
So the question still remains… is cheating really a deal breaker? Usually I answer these posts with a straight yes or no answer, but today I want common sense to take over. The answer I have for you is… don’t be a fool. I do believe people can change and we live in a second chance society, but sometimes your brain should come before your heart. If you’re in a relationship for less than a year and you two never lived together and are trying to figure things out, chances are this relationship won’t last for long if one of you cheated. Again that’s not always the case, but you should make that final decision based on the evidence presented to you. On the other hand, if you do decide to forgive then you should do just that. FORGIVE! Nothing is worse than having a constant reminder in your significant other every time you hit a bump in the road that you cheated. Forgiveness is a choice, not a weapon to be used to throw in someone’s face. Sometimes this one lapse in judgement can be the thing that makes your relationship stronger, but only if you’re ready to move on.
Do you agree? Do you have more to add? Make sure you leave your comments below and share this article with your friends to see what they think.
Author: Ty Mitchell
I write books and help writers get through their literary journey. I am the author of The Color of Love. Each week, I send out a newsletter with free tips on writing and creativity. Follow me on Twitter @Ty_Mitchell or on Facebook @the-vpf.