Body Count: Men v Women
The first article being published for The VPF is a simple topic, but also a highly debatable one. In 2015, we live in a world were we can see almost anything from gay marriage, to transgenders, to even transracials. I’m not here to judge anyone. In fact, if it makes you happy then do you. However, as a people, we have a strict rule when comes to ourselves and how we handle sexual activity. So the question stands… does body count even matter? For those of you who don’t know, body count is referencing the number of sexual partners a person has in their life. A body cannot be erased or forgotten and no matter how far you bury it in your mental cemetery it still happened. I always wondered why a high body count was considered bad for either sex. Of course you want quality over quantity, but is having a few practice shots that ruinous that we go as far as to slut shame people? And when I say people I mean mostly women. Men get it sometimes, but to be honest we really don’t care. So lets talk about the stigmas, double standards, and catch 22’s that we get so caught up in today.
I want to say that it is instilled in us at a very young age that a man should lay his seed wherever there’s fertile ground. I remember being 14 and my even my aunt was telling me that I needed to be out getting it in before I settled down. In high school, that’s what all the boys would talk about. How their body count was increasing year by year even though most of the girls weren’t admitting to having sex. I managed to stay quiet on the subject, but couldn’t help but marvel at the guys telling the stories. It just seemed like an unreachable goal at the time. I had so many questions. How did this conversation of sex even start? Where would this even take place? If we have sex does that mean we’re boyfriend and girlfriend now? Ah, what it was to be a virgin. These guys made it seem like a certain glory to having a strong body count. You get respect, bragging rights, and most importantly it means that you weren’t a virgin anymore. Fast-forward to college were you should be having so much sex that it’s almost a minor degree. Underage drinking and sex with girls from different parts of the states and even the world sounds like the holy grail of fantasies for a young college student. Oddly enough, this fantasy could be made into a reality if you played your cards right. By the time you spread your wings into the real world, you should have a zombie convention under your belt and continue to stack the numbers until you meet the right one. I’m not saying its fair, but a man is praised by his peers for having staggering numbers and all the credit is given to the mentality of the man. So where does that leave the women?
Here’s the part of the article that gets a little complicated. Women were the best thing God could have created. As young ladies, you’re taught to hold yourself to a higher standard. Girls don’t burp, Girls don’t fart, girls don’t get dirty, etc. This also applies to your body count. Any woman with a body count of more than THREE men gets the side eye from society. To make matters worse, there’s a rumor going around that women lie about their numbers. So some men take the number that you give them and multiply that by three. So by default, you’re already in the hole when it comes to your body count. I’m not going to lie, when my wife told me her body count I cringed. I said it didn’t bother me, but in the beginning it was always something that stuck in the back of my mind. But why is that? Why is it that my wife can’t have the same number as me before she met me? I’ll tell you why, women are caught in something I like to call a double catch 22. Have you ever heard the saying “A man wants a lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets“? This is true in most cases , but in order to be a freak in the sheets you need experience. In order to have experience, you must have sex. If you have too much sex then you’re not wife material. That’s the catch 22, but lets double back and say that you are indeed a freak in the sheets in terms of doing whatever your man wants, but you’re not that experienced. Like the great Chris Rock said, men evolve sexually. So, if you’re not that good at sex then either A) He’s going to get bored and leave you or B) he’s going to stay and cheat. So where does the woman win in this situation? You don’t, according to the regular society, but if you were doing anything that dictated your life based of what other people thought then you were losing from the beginning.
So let’s go to our point of views and see what they have to say.
The Virgin: He’s not having sex with anyone, so it comes to a complete surprise when he finds out that you have more than one sex partner. I remember in high school I was dating this young lady and she was sexually active. As far as I knew she only had sex with one person at the time, but that was more than enough for me because I was so sure that I was going to get some. Unfortunately, that day never came for me. We ended up breaking up because she saw me as a “brother” aka unfuckable for lack of a better word. There’s was never any bad tension between us and we’re friends to this day, but what can I say? I was a virgin. Months later she started dating another guy and they had sex! Multiple times! That is the ultimate win in high school. I was teased by my friends and still hear about it every now and then to this day. Luckily, my virginity was never in question so I survived on that front. Eventually she broke up with him and was known more or less as a slut in certain circles while I was still the virgin that no one knew. Now two people isn’t a crazy number, but you have to remember we were in high school and you have to multiply that by three. So two people quickly turned into six around the school. She wasn’t a bad person and we even went to prom together later that year. And no, we didn’t have sex after prom even though she totally got undressed in front of me in her car! I didn’t make one move and I don’t even remember taking a peek (ROOKIE VIRGIN MISTAKES!). Anyway, you shouldn’t judge a person from their body count without knowing the full story. And just because they have a high body count doesn’t mean they’re willing to have sex with you.
The Player: BODY COUNT DOES NOT MATTER! If anything, The Player will encourage you to explore other options because he/she sure will. Men and women are created equal when it comes to body count, BUT do not think that we can ever be more than what we are because, well, you have a high body count. In all fairness, I expect you to have the same feelings towards me. There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun, but I do have a theory as to why a high body count doesn’t hurt men as much as it does women. Men have a certain pride that isn’t programmed into women. Not to say that women don’t have pride, but this particle grain of pride can only be found in men and has been known to hurt us more than help us. We look at women with a low body count as an invaluable treasure that’s been placed in our hands. Sure you’ve been in other hands before, but you’re mine right here right now. Especially if she’s a freak in the sheets, I might turn in my player card today! A woman with a high body count can’t be seen in this way because she doesn’t value the treasure she has below so why should the man? On the opposite end, a man with a high body count is seen as a trophy to women. This man can have sex with anyone that he desires, yet he chooses to be with you! That builds on your self-esteem because all the other women didn’t matter. You’re the one he wants… for now. Like I said before, we’re all equal in my world, but if you want to take to the next level I suggest you take your body count and divide it by 3 men or women. That’s the only way you won’t be judged too harshly in my book.
The Faithful: First of all, the past is the past. As long as it doesn’t affect the future it shouldn’t matter how many sexual partners you’ve had. Like I said before, I wasn’t too thrilled to hear my wife’s number, but I looked past it to see the bigger picture. We both weren’t saints before we met each other, but we both knew when to respect ourselves. I do believe that quality over quantity should apply to both men and women. It might be a little harder for the men, but turning down sex can sometimes be the better option and make you more desirability. With that being said, if you can’t turn down the sex, as long as you aren’t doing it for money, cheating, revenge, or anything in a malicious manner then I say truck on! If the man you are with can’t get passed your body count because his friends keep making fun of him then he doesn’t deserve you. If a women can’t trust you because your body count is too high then maybe she isn’t ready for a relationship and that paranoia can cause problems later on down the line.
Overall body count shouldn’t matter whether you’re a man or a woman. Taking from the three POV’s: You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, we are all created equally, and the past is the past. As long as you’re safe and living your life, who cares what other people think. Despite the double standards and catch 22’s, I feel high body counts are being more excepted for women and less of a glorious victory for men. Make sure to leave comments if you agree or disagree. As always, Live, Love, Laugh.
Author: Ty Mitchell
I write books and help writers get through their literary journey. I am the author of The Color of Love. Each week, I send out a newsletter with free tips on writing and creativity. Follow me on Twitter @Ty_Mitchell or on Facebook @the-vpf.